There are days when I could pull out trees and embrace the whole world. And then there are those days when I feel so worthless. Unloved and abandoned, not seen, misunderstood, just alone.
Where does this come from?
This deep restlessness, this feeling of abandonment?
This fear?
I could very well distract myself and immerse myself in work. Hihi, that unleashed immense powers. If I follwo this path and distract myself by doing things, using that power, I feel even worse, so totally worn out.
As an emotional person, I know that it is extremely important for me to truly feel these feelings. I can accept them and surrender. Behind them lies a heartbreak, I experienced in my childhood. And I try to protect myself, as I do not want to get hurt again. So, as a child, I created these patterns to stop feeling this pain. The patterns helped me then, they served a certain purpose.
I have to, so that...
This will never happen to me again!
I vow....
I have to be like this and like that, that's the only way I'm accepted and right.
This fear of being abandoned and cast out, it holds me captive.
Why then, what am I doing wrong?
Do you recognise some of them?
Have they become obsolete for you too?
I, maybe you too, let myself fall into this darkness I feel. I just allow myself to be with it. Breathe into it. By breathing into it , it feels as if I touch them from within. And then, I let myself expand out. I expand my energy field. It changes, it shifts it all with ease. And I breahte....
Out of fear and back into trust.
hmm... yes exactly like that.