I'm so excited right now... We're all so attached to the outside world. We focus on what we lose instead of what we gain. I can feel something rising inside me. Oh man, a wave of emotions is brewing and I decide to ride it.
Time for reflection and rest. The pull on the outside is great. I catch myself again and again. I can often keep my balance, but every now and then it tips over. Then I allow myself to retreat. Turning inwards, because the inner core has a crack every now and then. I look at myself and lovingly at the crack, neutral without judgment. The eyes burn and then the tears flow. But it's so good. Just to let what's slumbering in me right now, what wants to come out. And yes, I free myself from the projection, the attachments, let myself in for my being, for myself.
There is sadness. Is it my grief or am I taking over again? Taking the burdens of others, carrying them energetically to help them, I'm good at that and sometimes I still do it very unconsciously. I realize that by doing this I am creating a power play. It doesn't matter whether I'm the victim, the perpetrator or the rescuer. It's not my fault if there's no fat left at home, or if I trigger others through my being that they can't stand my closeness anymore, or it's my fault if something falls apart.
My knowledge, my real self is in the heart space. That's where I find the strength to get up and start again. This happens especially when I cancel my me-time in everyday life. But why?
my heart hurts I'm sad and I allow myself to be. 'Cause it's gone I boldly go through. With each time it gets easier, falls away more, I can let go and accept myself as I am.
For some I'm selfish and seem to create my own world. But honestly, do I want to be in the world as it is now, suppressed and restricted? no
It is prescribed to me how I have to be. The good girl, adapted, dear, … now comes the anger. I will not write the words that came there now.
Anger is good, the power of fire, the fire of change.
I want everyone to be okay and forget myself. Hmm and then a bludgeon comes from somewhere and instead of taking time for me to retreat I am blamed and judged. I'm in the victim role. Such a crap. I have to laugh. Hahahaaa
I am grateful that I took the time to ride this roller coaster of emotions. Because this knowledge helps me. As? I'm just with it. Just let whatever arises stand there.
who am i now
Who do I allow myself to be?
I was a "Hüfeli" misery, beaten to death, humiliated. The journey through the feelings, emotions show me clearly where I have potential to be even more authentic.
Am I understood?
I trust that the light of wisdom will touch me and that I will speak or remain silent at the right moment. Just as it corresponds to my «projector» aura. Yes I am hurt, I allow it and I am with it. Being with all that is. One. And yet I feel deep down that I am not my thoughts and fears, this is my ego/spirit/mind. And thank her for the signs, inputs.
I dive back into my heart with the knowledge and let it happen from within. Connected to my true being, the healing core.
Free from pressure.
Free from fear.
At Peace - at peace with me.
Riding the waves of emotions.
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